How do I answer these questions?

Dr. Monkey von Monkerstein (it's shteeen) has tagged me with a five question meme. Ever happy to talk about myself, I celebrate the popping of my meme cherry by answering these questions:

1. Does this look infected to you?

No. I think it is just a fungus.


2. What was the name of your kindergarten or first grade teacher?

My kindergarten teacher was Mrs. Herman and my first grade teacher was Miss. Semlie. (I think I'm spelling Semlie wrong). Mrs Herman was the greatest kindergarten teacher that ever lived! She let me and David G. go to first grade every day for reading class and when we came back to kindergarten she would have us sit on her lap and read the books we were learning in first grade to her. She was a big lady and her lap could hold at least four kindergartners. I don't know why she picked me to move up in reading, but I am sure glad she did. It started a love affair with reading that means that for the rest of my life I will never be bored. My 'to read' stack never ever gets shorter. My first grade teacher was also fantastic. It was 1971 and we were her first class she ever taught. She wasn't a hippy, but she was so groovy. She looked like Brenda Morgenstern (aka Marge Simpson) but was much better dressed. At the end of the school year she got married and moved away.

3. Have you ever broken a bone in your body?

Not really. I fractured my nose on my brother's forehead once. He is 14 months older than me and we were fairly evenly matched as little kids. I had pinned him down with my knees on his arms and was doing the chest poke 'say uncle....pokepokepoke......say uncle......pokepokepoke' when he tried to lurch up and banged his forehead on my nose. We were at my parents' friend's house and she was a nurse who checked me out and thought I was okay. Later a doctor confirmed a hairline fracture. No big. I can't remember if my brother got in trouble. Probably a little, but me? Nope.

4. What's up with the humidity lately?

It's not the heat it's the stupidity. We went for a full month with no measurable rain and it was still humid. When I moved to Virginia from Wisconsin, many people wanted to brag on their humidity in VA. "Oh, just wait until summer" they'd proudly say, "the humidity is unbearable". Ladies of Virginia: yes, you have humidity, but so do we. So do we. Here is a chart of the humidity in Madison. In the summer we are at the top. We are so competetive that way.

5. What kind of alcoholic beverage would you buy me if we went out for a drink?

Glad you asked! I was a bartender for 10 years at a bar where every drink order was placed using the ingredients in the drink. To whit: Brandy Seven, Gin and Tonic, Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. We didn't have no stinkin' blender. Once in a while we'd have to make whatever shot was trendy that season: blowjobs, sex on the beach, whatevah. But that was rare and those weren't regulars.

So for you, a Vodka Pres with a dash of Rose's lime juice and a wedge of lime.

Wait, ho! What's a pres? Pres is short for Presbyterian. I was told that presbyterian is half way between catholic and baptist, so a presbyterian drink is half and half. In most parts of the country this means making a cocktail with the booze and equal parts ginger ale and soda water. Here in 'Sconny we do equal parts seven up and soda water. For you, I'd make it diet soda. And it would be vodka because that seems to be the alcohol of choice for the people with health issues (and little old ladies who don't think it smells on their breath. Ladies, you ain't fooling no one.) The lime stuff just makes it tasty!

You can buy me a margarita on the rocks, no salt. Cheers.

I am going to tag Fran, Johnny Yen, Suzy, Yoga Korunta and Chris in Seattle with these five questions:

1. Wednesday, Nov. 5, 2008. Our side won! How do you celebrate?
2. Are you on a boat or are you a land lubber or do you soar?
3. What was the last mistake you wished you could cover up?
4. Are your omelettes fluffy?
5. When was the last time your paradigm shifted?

Some of you are on vacation. I don't think there's a time limit. You can get at it when you get back. Love, Jess.