Ben and the Cheese Nips are trick or treating. I am at home to pass out candy. I can't think of much to do while I wait the little trick or treaters, so I guess I'll live blog the event.It is 6:19 and thankyou Congress, darkness is just now falling. Last year we had daylight savings time already so it was much creepier at 5pm when trickertreating was supposed to start so no one is really out and about yet.
I've had about five groups so far. Up the street is the coolest house. They have a kid in stilts dressed up as the grim reaper, funky music, smoke machines and candlelit paths. Since they are nearby, we usually plan on lots of little gremlins, but I must say, thus far it has been a little slow.
Ben tried to find creepy music on Sirius, but the best he could come by is Grateful Dead. Maybe a bit esoteric for the little ones. Ah, well, it goes good with my chardonnay.
6:23 Ding Dong: The neighbors grandkids. Forgot the oldest ones name. Damn you wine! Damn you.
6:25 I guess I'll read my pile of National Geographics while I sit and wait......
6:32 Let the dogs out of the bedroom and the doorbell rang. Feckin A', the dogs ran out in the yard and wouldn't come back in. One little girl. Pirate. About the eighth. Pirates are the thing in 2007.
6:34 Mardi Gras girl or something. She was like eighteen. Shouldn't you be out chewing on some of those crystal meth poprocks my hysterical mom friends are warning me about, young lady? Her parent/guardian had a dog who was dressed up. Next year I'm dressing the pug up like the dog in "Men in Black". They have the little suit. I told Ben I was going to buy it and walk the dog in the suit every day.
6:38 Two little girls. Seems the "devilish angel" is a big thing this year. Does nobody actually say "Trick or Treat" anymore? Ben better be telling the kids to say it, damnit.
6:44 Neighbor returning wine glass. Maybe I'll join the kids for a bit. What do you think will happen to the treat bucket if I set it on the porch? Let's see......
6:48 Things are cranking up at the scary neighbors. There is screaming. Last trick or treater was a king or queen or something. Ding dong. going.
6:50 Big group. One kid who asked for like, three rounds of candy for his little brother. Excellent plan, young one. Excellent. The kid was dressed as spidey. What can I say, I gave up four heapin' helpings of tattoos, dum dums and tootsie rolls (the fruit kind - what do you think I am, a crappycandyhanderouter? no way.
6:53 middle schoolers. whassup, you guys?
6:54 dad was dressed as a Viking. Brave in Packer terroir.
7:05 The cheesenips came back. Littlest one was crying because someone laughed at her witch makeup. Then said laughing offender came over. Oh, well. Handed out candy to several people we knew followed by some kids who were taller than me. Don't you kids have jobs?
7:08 First group to holler "Trick or Treat" except for the little girl who was on her cell phone. I am not kidding.
7:09 Older kids again. Sheesh. Shouldn't you be experimenting with cigarettes?
7:11 Big group. One girl (14ish) not even bothering to wear a costume. Next year just phone it in to me, okay Lolita? I'll just send the candy over.
7:18 The pez dispenser wanted to know if the rats on my porch were real. Nope. But you should have seen the Jehovah's witness lady jump when she tried to ring my doorbell a few
days ago. (I stapled one right above the doorbell. tee hee)
7:20 Three kids, all scream masks. Okay.
7:24 I just managed to pop popcorn in the PopCrazytm. Loner kid. Costume: Parka and backpack on backwards with top zipper open to catch candy. Imaginative,
7:26 Young couple (younger than some trick or treating) with baby. Just getting treats for baby. Happy Halloween! Welcome to your nightmare. Then little girl with green face and bright blonde hair. Very hip if you were Regan from "Exorcist", otherwise I think you just lost your hat.
7:54 Okay, it's all over at 8pm. The cheesenips are back and faces washed. (Only two layers of skin removed) there will be stragglers, but it is all over. The tootsie rolls are gone, there are two tattoos and quite a few dum dums. Yes, by themselves dum dums are a shitty handout. But with tattoos? Yeah, uh hum.
See you next year!
Happy Halloween.
8 comments:
oh to live in the burbs
I live in the burbs but on a very busy main road. Plus my house is the last house and then there is nothing for awhile.
Result- kid free Halloweens since 2001!
I went to yoga. That was my treat.
As a result, this was my vicarious Halloween experience. Thank you!
But WTF? Tootsie rolls and dum dums? Jess!
The fruit tootsie rolls, fran. Quite yummy. I would never hand out the chocolate tootsie rolls, though they are tasty too. And the tattoos were the real handout, and they were quite successful, I defend. The dumdums just added bulk.
OMG I think you might have had a wee bit too much wine there, Jess--that was the funniest damned halloween report I've ever read! You kill me.
We've been kid-free since moving to MiddleofNowhere, PA. I think kids would be too afraid of bears out there.
I would've loved to be sitting beside you during this experience, though I likely would've pissed my pants from laughing at your comments about the kids. I also noticed last night as we drove through a quaint little PA "village" (the sign really says that) that the kids were awfully mature-looking. I stopped trick-or-treating by 6th grade, people.
What a great post! Did you wear your ham costume, or your Batgirl costume? Tattoos are defininately cool, but I gave out Resse's Peanut Butter Cups! Mmmm...
I noticed the same things that you did, the kids don't like to say "Trick or Treat" anymore, I saw two half-devil, half-angel costumes, Several kids did not wear costumes, a couple of kids used backpacks for candy instead of bags, and there were three Spiderman's with fake muscles sewn right in. It was all worth it for the little girl in the tiger costume and the little boy dressed as a dinosaur, though. Those were funny! They both looked like they just wanted to go to sleep, and were just trying to stay awake to please their mothers that were dragging them from door-to-door.
Dum Dums rock. When all the chocolate is gone there's always Dum Dums.
dguzman next year come to my house wearing some depends. You can be the incontinent lover of Senator Vitter. I'll just be the madame!
dr. z I think you have uncovered a mom secret of Halloween. At least one third of the kids' candy goes in my own gullet. The moms were whoring the tiger and the dinosaur for the goods.
Reese's peanut butter cups are my fave. That's why I don't hand them out. I'd eat them all first!
Dr. Monkey I believe I have uncovered shocking footage of you and dum dums!!!! I am speechless.
I sent Mr. Ether to buy the candy this year. He bought a ton, all chocolate! (Sadly, NOT fair trade.) But now that it is in the house, and didn't all get eaten by trick-or-treaters ... someone has to eat it or it will go to waste.
The best thing that happened here? The toddler who stuck a still wrapped peanut butter cup choke-wise in his mouth, while his pediatrician dad stood and chatted at the door. "Uh, Mark?" I said, pointing at the baby. Oops.
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