From the Onion:
WASHINGTON—Faced with ongoing budget crises, underfunded schools nationwide are increasingly left with no option but to cut the past tense—a grammatical construction traditionally used to relate all actions, and states that have transpired at an earlier point in time—from their standard English and language arts program.
A part of American school curricula for more than 200 years, the past tense was deemed by school administrators to be too expensive to keep in primary and secondary education.
"This was by no means an easy decision, but teaching our students how to conjugate verbs in a way that would allow them to describe events that have already occurred is a luxury that we can no longer afford," Phoenix-area high-school principal Sam Pennock said. "With our current budget, the past tense must unfortunately become a thing of the past
In 1987, I am going to high school.
In 1977, I am going trick or treating.
I'll leave it up to the young people to figure out the most economical way to butcher the language further.
The White House will find it a lot easier to explain their activities if they don't have to use the past tense.
It's about time.
The Onion is so prescient. Expect this to be the next phase of No Child Left Behind, after yet more budget cuts. We don't need no stinkin' past tense! GW got a C in history anyway!
Okay, let me see if I can get ahead of this trend...
I did watch a movie with Mary Wickes in it the other day and I did think of you, Jess.
That whole past tense was- I mean is so 5 minutes ago.
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