Thursday, February 19, 2009

When I first discovered that I am an asshole.

First off--my friends who check me to see if I am still alive--I am.

Second--those of you who care about my position--prone and breathing or prostrate and not-- I thank you for checking in.

Here is what I have learned while I have been away.

I. Am. An. Asshole.

Okay, matter being what it is, I really WAS an asshole and am no longer an asshole because we are all in a constant state of flux. I am on a post-Assholian trajectory. Yet, I do think I need to own up to the historic data set that has called me out as an asshole.

When I was a stay at home mom, I picked our organically grown vegetables from a local sustainable farm. I knew the first name of the farmer. (Chris) (his dog's name was Frost).

Now that I work 60 hours a week I hope to never have the Costco Representative have to help me with my self-service check-out of Preservative Laden Lasagna.

Remember that I insisted that every product that came into our home was made in America?

Now I simply hope that most products don't have too much of an overbearing chemical Chinese carelessness smell about them. (And I am discovering misting sprays).

I used to volunteer in my children's classrooms. Now I just hope they remember my name and that I do, kinda, care if my kid crosses all the acceptable thresholds they expect of her. If they don't, maybe I can send in another pan of brownies?


Mauigirl said...

Good to see you back!

No, you're not an asshole. It just goes to show that we are too busy nowadays and that's why we don't eat healthier! There is something wrong with the system.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Thank goodness you're still among us. I was worried about you.

Randal Graves said...

I'm glad to see that you're finally coming clean about you being the root cause of Napoleon, Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Tricky Dick, Ronnie Raygun and Chimpy.

Sorghum Crow said...

You'll have to come up with better reasons than those for me to consider you an *sshole.

Dean Wormer said...

I'm glad you're back. Nothing wrong with that stuff and no reason to feel guilty. The real assholes forced this state of affairs where wholesale is necessary.

Distributorcap said...

io am gald you are ok and back - but considering how bad things are getting - it is more important you do what you need to - and spend time with those kids

amazing the religious right - talk so much about families but yet support all the policies that force 2 parents to work

Omnipotent Poobah said...

I'm still probimg my own assholishness and promise to complete the assignment within the next 50 years or until I stop pissing people off - whichever comes first.

St Edwards Blog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Some of these comments are as funny as your post Jess. Welcome Home! Miss Ya!

Fran said...

Asshole? Um, I don't think so.

As for chemical laden products and very little face time with kids... welcome to my world. Shit happens, we carry on.

You are brilliant and I am just so happy to see that you are here. And if you got the email with my earlier comment, you know it was much better than this, but it is that whole identity thing, so I deleted it.


dguzman said...

So glad you're back!

The real assholes: whoever made it so fucking bad economically that we have to work 60 hours a week (for 40 hrs pay, or less) just to feed our families. Picking fresh veggies and hangin' with the kids? That's just so... socialist!

Suzy said...

And all along I thought I was being the asshole, because I haven't been by to say hello, either here or at most of my blogworld friends' places.

dguzman absolutely speaks the truth. Somewhere along the way in the last 29 years (from Raygun onwards) a covenant was broken with ordinary people in this country. Now we have spiraling unemployment on the one hand and people working inhumane numbers of hours on the other hand. And WE feel guilty for it.

And I'm not seeing a whole lot of change on the horizon. I seem to have misplaced my rose-colored glasses.