Thursday, September 20, 2007

My new get rich quick scheme

I've been thinking that the fastest way to fame, fortune and incredible riches would be to write a 1200 page book that completely assuages rat bastards nagging feelings that maybe they shouldn't be so fucking greedy and should maybe reach out to help their brother now and then.

But Jess, you say, 1200 pages is a bunch of feckin' work.

No problem. It is only work if it is coherent.

Yes, I will write this book without providing the least semblence of actual human interaction. I will make the dialogue down right silly and the plot? Oh, don't make me laugh.

And all y'all will say you knew me when. I'd like to share my future wealth with you but my very first principle will be that ALTRUISM IS BAD, VERY, VERY, VERY BAD.

Oh, and nice guys are both suckers and not really nice at all!

Heh heh heh. My mediocrity will climb the book charts by claiming that I hate hate mediocrity. There's my genius!!!!


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

"Ouch," said Ayn Rand from beyond the grave. "That cheesehead got me."

FranIAm said...

Jess it is 4:57am and yet I am roaring with laughter. And not much coffee in me yet.

Oh Jess- you are feckin' genius you are!

Distributorcap said...

excuse my french..

any rand is a fucking lunatic

i tried to read "Atlas Shrugged" way back in HS when i probably thought it would be cool to read a 1200 page book. i dont think i ever got past page 50.

i did see the movie The Fountainhead. Ayn Rand still sucks

Dr. Zaius said...

I am embaressed to admit that I know very little about Ayn Rand. Did she write for Marvel Comics, or DC?

Matty Boy said...

Back when I worked in the video game biz, I had an artist friend who asked me to read Atlas Shrugged. Like DC, I couldn't get very far. I've read better paced stereo installation manuals. My friend finally told me to skip to page xxx and read her brilliant philosophy.

Unparalleled tripe, except maybe by Lyndon LaRouche.

Cults of information just aren't for me. But that's just the kind of hairpin I am.

dguzman said...

Wow, and all I knew about Ayn Rand was that there was some sort of repressed gay-ism in The Fountainhead. Perhaps I should read... nah. Feck it.

FranIAm said...

Yay for Jess for generating the most stimulating conversation, possibly ever, on the topic of Ayn Rand!

Jess Wundrun said...

I should probably confess that I have not read Atlas Shrugged, but I did make it through The Fountainhead by listening to the unabridged version on my iPod. All 34 hours of it. So no way I was going for Atlas Shrugged at four times that.

I listened to it while working on an apartment that we own. Though I was alone, if anyone were spying on me they'd have seen me stripping wordwork and yelling at no one "you are such a fecking idiot!" and "is this a joke?"

Last year I took a touristy architectural tour of lower Manhattan. The tour guide asked if anyone had read the most awful novel ever published "The Fountainhead" and then proceeded to show some of the modern architecture so touted by Rand. He pointed out the building by the old post office and called it "The box the Guggenheim came in". U-G-L-I. I could have made that tour guide my friend for life!

Also, I think alot of people pretend that they've read Rand but they never have. My dentist, who I really like, is obviously very christian--lots of literature in the waiting room etc--and I was listening to the Fountainhead when he was redoing a filling. When I told him what I was listening to, his face lit up and he was like "that's great!!!" I think he caught from Rush Limbaugh or someone that Ayn Rand is very conservative. What he failed to discover is that she's also very atheist. Whoopsie, doc!

Tengrain said...

But Jess, Ann Coulter beat you to it, though admittedly she is doing it in installments.

Jus' Sayin'...